A Bit Sick, A Few Ducks.

I am feeling rather sick and achey today. Stinging skin and sore muscles, burning throat and throbbing head when i cough. If only it was easier to stop the world and just rest when this happened... Heck, if only I had someone to look after me, or even Scarlett.. sigh! Whinge cry blah. That's me for today. Unmotivated with life in general really.

On Saturday I took Scarlett to Camellia Gardens to feed the ducks and have a play. It was delightful, even though I was really tired for some reason. Feeding the birds in the pretty flowers and smooth lakes is very therapeutic, we had lots of fun together :)

These bloody ibis were slightly terrifying for her though.... it must be their long pointy beaks!

Hide and seek, shall now be renamed Hide-under-the-table and seek.

Every. Time.

Xx

Kathleen Folbigg.

I have been reading about Kathleen Folbigg, a lady who apparently murdered her four children twenty ish years ago.. it is seriously haunting stuff, and her guilt has not been directly proven. Such an interesting and tragic topic to read about, when I was looking on Wikipedia I got slightly sidetracked and ended up reading about child murders in Australia. It was heartbreaking yet I still read about all of each story.

It really put into perspective how lucky I am to live in a safe area, and to have such a smart little girl who I hope will grow up with a primary regard for her own safety and make the right decisions if she has to. I am so lucky to have her, full stop.

Back to Folbigg... it really unnerves me, she was sentenced as the main clincher was her diary entries which i read about, and did indeed sound very incriminating. It is also clear, in my opinion, that she was suffering so much that she desperately needed help, and it is so so tragic that she didn't recieve such help, which resulted in probably the worst case scenario over the next few years of having her children, which she obviously loved. She just didn't know how to handle her emotions, when they were so extreme, and I think this is what lead to their deaths, ultimately. Its is something I have been thinking about alot, about what that poor woman must have been going through back then, and also now. Every day in prison would be a nightmare, having to live with her past. Horrible. My heart goes out to her.

Scarlett in June

today, at 7am when she had just woken up and saw that I had her breakfast all set up and ready to eat :)

Sick but smiling!

Apple and sultana muffins, what love.

silly kids!

Dance class.

Daycare cupcake treat! I love her eyes outside.

MUFFINS again.

Pretty and sometimes Rainbow

pretty sure I want this.

Hot, hot men... (mostly of rugby league)

Johnny Ruffo :)

Luke Ricketson, Jason Stevens, Ryan Girdler

Ryan..

Topless Ryan...

 

Naked Greg..

Michael Sullivan and Matt Rieck

Nick Youngquest, Greg Bird, Ben Ross, him.

Waltzing Matt Hilder!

Two Strong Hearts.

No need to analyse this kind of emotion 'Cause it comes naturally A simple case of feeling love and devotion So tell me tenderly I want to give my life to you I want to feel my blood run through you And oh I want to touch you Over and over and over again We got two strong hearts We stick together like the honey and the bees You and me. We got two strong haerts Reaching out forever like a river to the sea Running free I feel there's no need foe compromising my reputation When you lead me astray I'm proud to be apart of this fascination When I hear you say I want to there to guide you I'm going to feel my love inside you And oh oh I want to touch you Over and over and over again.

 

TwentyFive, still alive.

It was my birthday on Monday, also a public holiday. I didn't really even celebrate.. Adam and I went to gold class cinemas on the Sunday night to see Men in Black 3, and the car trip into the city was all fun and cute and we were actually singing our "future wedding song" together, Two Strong Hearts by John Farnham (his choice) and he accidentally rolled his ute back into a taxi.

He was shaken up and he was at fault and there it was: night, and birthday ruiner. Not blaming anyone though. Shit happens, I knew our night would only go down hill from here, despite any effort to stay positive and enjoy the moments. Sigh. Ended up getting home and watching some tv together, I fell asleep about fifteen minute before midnight (my birthday) and then at twenty past midnight, he woke me to tell me he was going home because he couldnt sleep because of the accident. I really wish he was more adaptable. It is like whenever he is stressed he needs to be at home. Because my house isnt his home. It probably never will be. Because I am una/ble to provide him with a sense of security or comfort like his Mum can. How am I aupposed to fight that?

I told him to go and I would be fine, sleeping in my empty house without Scarlett on my birthday, waking up alone and silent. When he turned off the light and closed the front door, I just cried into my pillow. The horrible, ugly cry, of knowing that, all jokes aside, we really are essentially, alone, even on the important days sometimes.

I didnt want much, anything really, just to be loved and hugged when I woke up. I would have done anything for him to be there that night. He let me down and he says he knows it but I dont think he does. I have been feeling down about it since.

I woke up on my birthday, had some cereal. He came over at eleven ish, I went out in the rain to pick up  grizzly Scarlett. We didn't even have lunch. He went home at two. I ordered pizza (bad) and ate it for a late lunch, then dinner, and went to bed early and alone, again.

What a wonderfully hollow day to turn 25. It makes me wonder how many friends I will have later on in my life. Definitely not my favourite way to spend an annual personal holiday but oh well. That is life. I haven't even had cake :( haha sounds so dumb but it isn't the cake I wanted. It was the gesture behind it.

 Adam even told Scarlett that they would buy a cake for me, but it didn't happen. I will be okay, just let me feel alone and sorry for myself in silence whilst I act like everything is fine the next day.